Thursday, 8 March 2012

Main Story: The Greatest Love of All

Today is a Wednesday. Like 5 years ago, it is a Wednesday. Unlike five years ago, I'm not living in Indonesia and I don't go to school anymore. Why? Why do I keep mentioning five years ago? Well, apparently, on March 7, 2007 I lost the most important person in my life -- My mother. You remember my mother, I've shown you some pictures.

She died five years ago today. On a plane crash. Whilst on a business trip. It happened early in the morning. Everybody knew about it thanks to the news. As an ignorant middle schooler, I didn't watch the news quite often -- and I still don't. It wasn't until the evening that I figured out that my dad went to the location to confirm the remains of her body. The next day, it was confirmed that she has definitely died. Dad went home with her body in a casket and we gathered in her office then went home. At home our friends and family were waiting. It was one of those moments when you went to somewhere so familiar, seeing so many familiar faces yet you feel so unbelievably out of place.

My dad said a few words. My grandma cried her eyes out. I held my brother so closely, so tightly, pretending I was being strong for him. Who was I kidding? I was trying to hold back tears. We prayed for her. All of us, together. How weird to realize there were so many people that I knew but never really talked to. They prayed for her too.

It was not until I moved closer to my best friends and saw that they were crying and they said, "If you can't cry, we'll cry on your behalf," that I cried. I cried the hardest cry I ever did.

I spent the rest of the night laughing off to jokes my friends told me. But they had to go home sometime. As soon as they did, I went to my room and cried my eyes out. The next few days weren't easy. I kept imagining her rushing through the door all of a sudden, telling us we got the wrong body, that she never got on the plane and she was so much alive. But it was all only imagination.

It was the beginning of a bittersweet turn of events. People started noticing me at school, saying hi to me as I passed by them. Slowly but sure they all remembered my name. It was strange but somewhat comforting. Even people who usually picked on me turned around and apologized to me. Seriously, it was really strange.

Well, anyway, it has been five years and I'm still standing. I have grown up a lot since then. I've graduated high school, learnt Japanese, became more feminine, found the love of my life, flew to Germany and lived life in Europe. Sometimes I still remember her at still moments and tears start to roll down my cheeks. I love her, so much. I love how I remind myself so much of her. I can love thousands of people after her in my life. But now and forever she will be the person I love the most.

May you still rest in peace, Mom. Don't forget your doppelgänger here; she loves you ♥

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