Give Me Your Heart or I'll Rip It Right Out

Turning Over a New Leaf

Last week I turned 27! It still feels so surreal to me. After 25, I don't really feel like birthdays are such a big deal anymore. It doesn't matter to me somehow that the whole world doesn't even know I exist, so long as the ones I care about the most give me the attention I crave. This year is the first birthday I've gone through while working in an office. Having seen my friends' experiences—not going to lie—I'm kind of looking forward to it myself. At the same time, I'm not expecting much, believing myself to be quite unknown at the office. Lo and behold, my co-workers showed up for me. It was the sweetest birthday surprise/celebration I've ever had—in fact, the only one ever that hasn't been planned by Firu. I stayed up all night, baked 50 muffins and brought them to work, only to be surprised later on with cake and chicken wings—courtesy, mostly, of my beloved teammates and adorable interns. The best part was when I got thrown into the swimming pool we have out back. Needless to say, I felt absolutely loved and appreciated. So much for having low expectations, I guess.

Gifted shirt // Book of Deer skirt // thrifted loafers // Oh My Bows hair bow (closed) // photos by Sis

On the day itself I spent it in a pretty low-key fashion: hanging out with my siblings. We did the same thing on their birthdays, so it's only natural. My sister planned it out way in advance, asking to take me out for boba and a photo session. I'm sure there could be better birthday celebrations, but, for me, this is as good as it gets. My best friend Gina wished me a happy birthday three times and it was really special, since she usually doesn't remember the date. As far as presents go, I didn't really receive one, except for the one Firu gave me at the very last minute. He had to take me through a roller coaster of emotional wreck first beforehand, though. That guy will never live up to expectations—instead, he'd break them. Gosh, I love him so much! All in all, it was a very happy birthday for me, despite the fact that not much happened. Thank you to everyone who spared some time to send me birthday wishes and prayers. You are all such good people, I'm grateful to have you in my life.

30 Before 30 List - SO FAR

Today is my 27th birthday! I think we all know what that means. Okay, maybe not all of us know—but I'll tell you anyway. It's time to make a recap of my 30 Before 30 List so far. It has been a huge relief for me to have this list that spans into the next 3 years, instead of one list per year. It has allowed me to stay focus on the things that truly matter and not create measly little goals, just for the sake of it. Of course, it also gives me a lot more time to start with what matters most first. Though this recap may be short in quantity, I hope you'll see just how much quality these accomplished goals have added into my life. There are, obviously, still some more goals to come until I hit the big 3 0, but, for now, this is as good as it's ever going to get. So here are the things I managed to tick off this list so far.

4. Be Financially Stable

When I wrote this list, I did it in an almost chronological manner, so I was quite surprised to find myself ticking this one off the list before the first three items. Who would've thought that I would go from being an intern, to a part-timer and, finally, to a full-time employee in a matter of months? It happened very recently too—with the help of some of my friends' support—and it couldn't have come at a better time. Let's just say that my family's finances right now aren't the best and it would be really helpful—and, trust me, it is—to have an actual income. That number that I had in mind, by the way, yes, I managed to surpass it somehow. Of course, human beings are never truly satisfied, so here's to more growth in the future.

6. Actually Read 50 Books a Year

As I've mentioned before, this goal is a bit of a cheat, since I knew I'd be ticking it off rather quickly. But I did it! And it is truly a goal that I've been meaning to accomplish for some time now. As of the end of 2018, I have officially read a total of 60 books in 365 days. Woot woot! Looking back, I honestly can't remember how I managed to do it, but, apparently, I did it. I must've read like crazy. Obviously, I'm not going to bore you with reviews of all sixty books, but you can check out the best ones and the worst ones I read.

8. Learn About Taxes

It was incredibly coincidental—or the universe's way of kicking me on my behind—that when I posted about this goal, I was forced to get started on it the next day. I was forced to create my tax ID card as soon as possible—as prompted by my client's accountant—and learnt all that was to learn about the whole system. Well, maybe not all, but enough to be safe than sorry. Several months afterwards, nearing the deadline for tax filing, I found out more about taxes and what my obligations are on that front. It turns out—at the time—I didn't have to file for taxes, because I wasn't obligated to pay them. But now I have pretty much all the knowledge on tax filing, should I need to do so in the future.

13. Build My (Portfolio) Website

Sometime last year, in a class, I was given an assignment to create my own website. It should contain my portfolio and has its own domain. Although, for most, this project is just that—a class project—to me, it holds a possibility to something more. You can already visit the website right now, although I still believe it to be unfinished. I'm planning on purchasing a new hosting and giving the website a whole makeover, in which, not only will it hold my works, but also this little blog here. Wish me luck, guys!

16. Work in an Office

When I put this goal on this list, I was thinking more along the line of doing an internship. Never once did I expect to go full-time so quickly—and to enjoy the office life so much either. Although I've worked before, office life certainly offers something different. At first, it was quite limiting as I can no longer just freely move about—as I tended to dance around when working at home—but soon I found myself bonding with my co-workers and learning all these new things about professional work. It has been truly an eye-opening experience; I didn't expect to love it so much!

26. Meet One New Online Friend

This is probably the goal with the most unexpected way to be achieved. I really didn't expect to meet these people when I wrote this goal down, but it was truly the best experiences. Not only did I meet one new online friend, I met six! The first ones I met was back in March, which are the lovely ladies from Tisseus des Idees and their friends Laura and Morgane. We chatted over a plate of vegan Padangnese food and visited Imaji's studio. The second ones I met was back in June, which are Mugidingdong (IG no longer available) and his lovely wife at their home in Cinere. We bonded over our love for books and his vinyl collection. They were truly a pleasant surprise this year!

28. Downsize My Wardrobe

Okay, I've been trying to do it, okay? It's not as easy as it sounds. At least one of the items listed above is already sold—to a dear friend and constant supporter of mine. If you're interested in taking a look around—and giving me a follow—you can find my preloved items on instagram. It would mean a lot to me, if you would spare some minutes in your life to take a look around. If anything takes your fancy, please don't hesitate to let me know, okay?

Other Things I Did at 26 Years Old

Starting this year, I want to start acknowledging achievements and first-experiences I managed to do in the past year—things I didn't set out to do and never expected to happen. Not unlike every year, life caught me off guard this past year too. Almost nothing went according to plan—some in the best possible way, some in the most regrettable manner. But I don't want to skip over the new things that I got to do, just because I didn't plan on doing them. So here are some more things that I hadn't expected to achieve—but did so anyway.

Won my first ever ethical giveaway

This isn't something that I did, necessarily. But it's something I was so excited about. The giveaway was held by Sadhu back in November. I've been following them for some time, so when they announced the winner to this giveaway, you best believe I was elated. Not to mention that it was the first pair of earrings I've got in 4 years. You can see how I styled it here.

Collaborated with a printing house

Late last year a printing house called Gogoprint approached for a collaboration. I thought, as I was joining Comic Frontier 12 earlier this year, I would use their services to print my products. I was so excited, as it was the first collaboration, in which I could mix my blog with my illustration career—if you could call it a career at all. Spoiler alert: the collaboration didn't end well. I was very much disappointed, although with very little loss on my part, fortunately. You can read all about it here.

Eliminated menstrual plastic waste

Truth be told, I started wearing a menstrual cup since before my 26th birthday. However, I hit the one-year mark just a month ago. And to commit to something so life-changing deserves its own medal, I find. It has been really fulfilling and incredible to switch to this zero-waste option. It's definitely less fussy and a whole lot more practical. If you're trying one on your own, I would recommend giving yourself some time to get used to it before throwing in the towel. Read all about my own experience here.

Visited a bulk grocery store

A packaging-free grocery store is truly the stuff of my dreams. Ever since I found out about zero-waste lifestyle, I've been wanting to visit one myself. It wasn't until earlier this year did I find out about Saruga, which is a bulk store located in Bintaro. Little did I know that, when I visited, the owner actually recognised me and was partially inspired by my instagram to start this store. Crazy, right? Read all about my experience at this store here.

Held an eco-friendly event at the office

One of the things I love about working at my office is how big of an impact I could make with my eco-friendly lifestyle. The first month or so of working there, I was given the opportunity to share about my love for the environment. It might not have been me, but I swear it changed the way catering was done at our office. Then, within 3 months afterwards, I was given the opportunity to host a trash-picking challenge at the office along with my friend Dinda. Read all about it here.

Learnt about digital marketing

The most groundbreaking and life-changing part of the past year was meeting our office's Digital Marketer, Mawan. He taught me all things related to digital marketing—things I thought I understood already, but turns out to know squat about. From the get go, I could already tell how smart and intelligent he was and it's always been a pleasure chatting with him. He taught me everything I know about SEO, social media ads and digital marketing in general. He's the polar opposite to who I am as a person, but that's what makes it so interesting to work together. Never in my life did I think my life will go down this path, but I'm loving the view so far.

Managed a herd of interns

When I started interning at my current office, never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to go full-time and have a herd of interns of my own—in less than a year, no less! It has been insane to have to transition from intern to part-time to full-time, all the while interviewing several people to become my own interns. These kids I would eventually teach all that I know about copywriting, SEO and the works. At the same time, they taught me a lot about the world, about their respective passions and about human relations. I've had to say goodbye to most of them already—and you best believe I cried every time. Mawan—my co-parent on this—has been very helpful at things I'm not very good at, so that's always been a relief.

Never in my whole life did I think 26 was going to be a big year for me—but it was. It started out rather serenely, with no hard feelings for whoever might forget or remember the date. Maybe, without realising it, even back then I knew things were going to be different. It was the year I started to feel like I've earned my years—the first time in such a long time. Everything started to feel like they were falling into place and I couldn't be happier for how things turn out. Life isn't perfect, sure, and in the past year I've made several mistakes too—mistakes that I might even still be making, whether consciously or subconsciously—but I'm starting to feel like an adult again. It's about time, don't you think? Here's to more growth, maturity and accomplishments in the years to come. Thank you for sticking around and for whatever support I'm sure you've given me.

Thank You, Intan Ujung! ♥︎

All my life, all I've ever wanted was to find a place where I belong. Some people might not understand that, but some others might feel the same way that I do. Luckily, throughout the past 26 years of my life, I've found several places like that myself. Back in primary school, back in secondary school, back in Germany—and I thought that would be the end of it. I thought, since then on, I wouldn't find another such place until I get married. However, as you might know, life has that way of catching you off guard. And, back in December 2018, it got me good. Without meaning to, without hoping for it, somehow I found another place where I felt like I belonged. And, as usual, I had to let parts of it go. 

If it wasn't for the mandatory internship program from my campus, I doubt I would consider diving into office life. If it wasn't for my best friend Gina, who worked here before I did, I might never have considered this particular office as a destination. Little did I know I was going to learn so many things that I'd never thought I'd be interested in. Little did I know I was going to cultivate such valuable and beautiful friendships with a lot of my co-workers. Little did I know it was going to bring so many colours into my life, like nothing in the past 5 years could compare. There were so many mistakes to make, so many lessons to learn, so many hellos to say and so many goodbyes to bid.

The meatball vendor who always comes by around 5PM

Earlier this month, our office moved to a new location. Not unlike Firu's home back in 2017, it felt incredibly strange to leave this old place. This was the first office I've ever known—destroying any stereotypes I'd had of an office life—and, needless to say, it was filled with so many heartbreaking memories. In fact, I still remember the first time I arrived here for an interview, not quite sure how to feel about this office that felt more like a home. I also remember my first day on the job, when I was whisked away to an out-of-office meeting, not sure what to make of my co-workers. Since then on, there were so many others I got to know—so many I had the pleasure of hiring—and bid farewell to. Leaving this place feels like leaving their ghosts behind, knowing full well an era had ended and may never return.

The move was completely necessary, mind you. We, as an office, were growing in numbers and this little place can no longer support it. The space became a little too cramped, the air grew stale in the afternoon and it no longer felt conducive to work in. I probably will not miss all that about this old place. Be that as it may, I can't help but to remember all the good things this place brought us—or me, at least. That little shack by the pool where we had all our farewells with my beautiful interns—which also became a quiet place for me at stressful times—will always mean something to me. A similar shack at our backyard—our little smoking area—where I used to have lunch with my smoker friends, holds a special place in my heart. Our cramped office room, yet somehow was almost always filled with laughter, will remind me of better days. Our End-of-Year Party, our long nights, our potluck picnics.

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss them.

The new place is great, by the way. There are so many instagrammable areas—I'm already scouting several spots for a blog post—and our new office room is the absolute best. It has gotten me to become a whole lot more productive. I feel a little less claustrophobic here. My interns don't have to fight for space, which is absolutely amazing. I can feel everyone feeling a little bit happier—which is always good news. I'm sure we'll make several memories here too. Memories that I will hold dear for several months—if not years—to come. Memories that I will have a hard time letting go of as well. There are already some new faces joining the crowd now—and I already see myself enjoying their company as much as I did those who left. I'm sure, sooner or later, this new place will feel like a home too.

All my life, the choice has always seemed to be between leaving or being the one left behind—but what if we all leave together? What if we all pack up and move on to a new space? With or without those who had chosen to go without us. And just because they choose a different path from ours doesn't mean they stop existing in our world anyway. So let those ghosts go, because they're still alive. We may or may not see them again, but they'll never stay the same anymore. Let's cultivate more friendships that may or may not last a lifetime! Let's create memories that we may or may not regret! Just because we're moving on doesn't mean we'll forget those who have come before us nor all we've experienced together. I've said this before and I'll say it again, "Change is scary, but change is good—move on."

Goodbye, Intan Ujung, you've been great!

The Wonder That Is Batik

It is officially October, which is my favourite month of the year. Not only is it the month of Halloween—and my birthday!—it also starts with acknowledging the beautiful cultural heritage from Indonesia that is batik. If you've been around long enough, you might notice that I've been in love with this gorgeous art form and resist-dyeing technique for years. It is one of the (few) reasons that I am proud to call myself an Indonesian—and a Javanese. In fact, I originally wanted to write a whole post dedicated to batik. Unfortunately, that has to morph into this outfit post instead, as I have very little spare time this week—should've written it months prior, of course, but shit happens. It just so happens that I was wearing batik last weekend when I went out with a friend to visit Semasa di Balai Kota—it is a pop-up creative market event filled with locally produced goods. The colonial backdrop and the ethnically appropriate getup are purely coincidental.

Hand-me-down batik dress + purse // thrifted loafers + shorts // photos by Agung

This particular batik 'dress' ain't nothing new, to be honest. You might have seen it in this post previously. It's actually not suitable to be called a dress—or even a shirtdress—as it is basically just an oversized batik shirt. One look in the mirror, though, makes me really want to wear it as a dress of sorts. I still had to deal with the high slits on the side—as well as the front—so I wore shorts underneath. The silhouette and pattern work really well together to create a '50s-'70s vibe that comes with post-colonial Indonesia. Actually, I completed the look with a batik band that I wrapped around my head like a ribbon, but it somehow didn't show in any of the photos (lol). Lastly, just to splash a douse of reality into this series of photos, I'd just like to say that the place was actually quite packed. We were lucky to find this corner almost completely unused. Wonderful!