Rolling with the Punches

While 2020 is objectively very challenging for us all—with the giant curve ball it threw at us and smaller ones it kept pelting—I must say, it actually somehow turned out to be one of the best years of my recent life. There are three amazing milestones that I managed to surpass this year—one of them being a HUGE one—and I couldn't be prouder of it. Although I do this kind of recaps every year, this year it feels different somehow. It feels much more profound, a lot more low key and incredibly fulfilling. It may not seem like it to everyone else, but I feel really grateful for everything that's happened this year—on a small, personal scale and, to a degree, on a much grander scale. Yes, 2020 was a bitch. But it forced us to rethink the way we've been living life and, unfortunately, our old ways is no longer acceptable. As usual, there are things I thought would never change for me in 2019, but I was wrong. Everything changed—most importantly, my own mindset.

January

Roots Growing into Warm Soil

At the beginning of 2019, I posted a recap of 2018 with the title The Wheel Starts Turning. There is a certain symbolism in that which reminds me of Narnia's The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. My life in the past few years felt eerily similar to the eternal winter of The White Witch, and only recently—in 2018—did spring seem to arrive. I've never imagined that I would once again feel a sense of belonging in the faces of strangers—like I used to feel back in 2012 and 2013. I thought finding one's place is a luxury and indulgence of youth—something I believe I no longer have—but, somehow, my roots start to grow into this warm soil. Change is just part of everyday life these days, that I've got no choice but to embrace it. Some changes are easier to swallow than others, and this year is chock full of them. But, hey, this is my life, not a lack thereof; there's not much else to do, but to live it.

January

The Wheel Starts Turning

How can life change so profoundly in a year? How can everything just shift in the span of 365 days? It's strange, when you look back on it, because so many things happened in 2018 that I never imagined would happen to me—at least not for a few more years. Some of them may seem minuscule and minor, but actually create a huge ripple effect and, thus, leave a huge impact on me. It can be something as simple as a few reassuring words or as big as a grand gesture. So long as I know the true intentions behind them are pure and loving, I'll always hold on to them so tightly. It's also so, so strange how I've decided to do so much and change my life so dramatically, once I no longer have my silver spoons anymore. Strange, isn't it, how life works out that way? But, let's start at the beginning and make our way down!

January

January has always looked rather bleak. The year started with me getting a new haircut and announcing that I will be blogging a lot less. It touched my heart to see a lot more people responding to this (barely) news than I had expected. It was a really hard month for me, mostly due to my finances, but I did get some good times too. One of my best friends Uli had a birthday get-together and it was really nice catching up with everyone—whilst stuffing our faces with food. Crossed off the first thing on my yearly goals: I finished the Harry Potter series! It took a lot less time than I thought and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Around the same time, by the end of the month, I received an incredibly, mind-blowingly, unexpectedly beautiful and miraculous surprise: FIRU CAME HOME!

February

Needless to say, February was marvellous! I mean, no, not really. In reality, there was a lot of crying, a lot of laughter and a lot of questions. Firu only stayed for a month, so he had to divide his time between me, his family and his friends, so we didn't get 24/7 together, obviously. We hung out with Edwin and Wilson—who you might recognise from my previous posts—and Iqbal and Gita who just arrived home for good. We went on our first date in over 3 years and the best date of our lives. We talked about everything we couldn't say over the internet. Our relationship was blown wide open and we dove more deeply into it like we've never done before. It's so surreal and amazing how, even after over 7 years, there were still things we could learn from one another. Illustration-wise, this month I officially opened my Tictail store and joined a fun artistic challenge—which I won! Also, I started working for Joko's World too. This was also the month I took the first trip of the year. It was quite low-key but really, really pleasant. I enjoyed it so much! It was the best month of the past few years and this is how I felt by the end of it.

March

March taught me that I'm stronger than I think I am. Crying over Firu only lasted a few nights and we got used to our previous lives again. How weird is that? I'm very grateful for my friends, though, because they helped me through whatever storm brewing in my mind. My friend Vivi came back from Malaysia and together with Jess we spent a playful day at IKEA. It was so much fun! Jess was kind enough to share her Netflix trial period with me and I didn't waste time tasting as many exclusive series and movies as I possibly could. My friend Divina also came to town this month and asked me to join her meet-and-greet session with a few of her viewers—she's a Youtuber, FYI. We had such a barrel of laughter—and I got to know new people. Also, Vina was kind enough to give me some of her old clothes. So excited to style them in all the ways to Sunday! Book-wise, I finished yet another magical series that I loved as a teenager: The Chronicles of Narnia! Too many levels of meaning between the lines with this one. 

April

April was a book-themed month, it seems. At the start of it, my sister and I managed to go to Big Bad Wolf Book Sale and grab a couple books. On another weekend, we also had the chance to drop by Ruang Buku by Book for Good. Towards the end of the month, the Kickstarter project's reward that I backed finally arrived on my doorstep. It's the two art books by Lois van Baarle! Got through both of them in a day, 'cause they're just so inspiring! I'm basically happily drowning in books by now. Of course, April means Fashion Revolution Week. This year I tried to post daily too, although with less structure than I did last year. You can go here to check out all my FRW posts so far, including the love affair I have with my penny loafers. Professionally, I got my first ever Tictail client this month and I had so much fun doing their commission. I still had a some flaws needing of work, but I'm eager to learn from my mistakes.

May

May doesn't particularly have a theme, but it does revolve a little bit around culture and the environment. The month started with a wonderful surprise from WWF Indonesia. You see, a couple months previously, when I was just hanging out with some friends, they approached me and I joined their supporter program. They sent me this awesome t-shirt in thank you and I love it! This is the second t-shirt I got from them. Aside from that, I've been preoccupied by Europe on Screen for the first two weeks of May, while only catching two documentaries in the end. They were rather interesting and not too heavy. Lastly, Prof. Shinichi Ito from Musashino Art University—Saku-chan's almamater!—came to my campus and gave an intriguing lecture on Explore and Experiment, showing us his previous projects combining local knowledge and innovative ideas in Ghana and The Philippines. So honoured to have attended! Somewhere along the line, Ramadan rolled out just like that.

June

June was hard! Well, Ramadan was hard and I got so stressed out that my period came very, very late this month. My loved ones' birthdays just flew right by, amidst all my frustration. There were so many assignments and jobs from work that I almost never had time to just pause and breathe. Until I visited my Grandparents', of course. My sister and I explored the town as usual, starting with Tugu Pahlawan, then strolling through Tunjungan Street and trying a new burger joint in town. To be honest, though, it also wasn't the best family holiday we've ever experienced. My mind was still partially stuck in school too, because piles of assignments loomed over me still. Give me a bloody break, for eff's sake! By the end of it, though, I managed to slow down a bit and listen to various podcasts, including Halbe Katoffl—my favourite!—Armchair Expert, Being Boss and Ctrl Alt Delete.

July

July was already immensely better. I could see light at the end of the tunnel—with the semester break falling mid-month—so it was easier to power through. This month has allowed me more time to work on my personal illustrations, starting with Firu's birthday illustration. I also joined a couple #drawthisinyourstyle challenges, such as those by Stephanie Priscilla and Loish. Then our 8th anniversary rolled around, for which I did a quick illustration. And I managed to finally finish my Gym Leadersona. So fun to make! Offline, it was quite a good month, because Iva is home again! We hung out with Edwin and Wilson once and had a ladies date once—both of which were filled with pleasant catch-ups and TMI convos (lol). Also, I had the chance to catch up with Jess and Vivi again, as well as visit my old uni friends' portfolio exhibition. So proud to have such talented friends! This was actually the month I stopped eating out, but it turns out to still be rather eventful in the end.

August

Starting the month right, August opened up with a post on Zero Waste in Indonesia. I finally kicked it off with this lifestyle this year and I'm so, so happy to head in the right direction. Please check it out if you're interested in starting a kinder lifestyle on this earth! You can also find more of my experience in this transition on my instagram story highlights. More on the blog, obviously, sticking to my tradition of the past four years, there's an Indonesian-only post on Independence Day. Meanwhile, real life just kicked off into full gear of preparing for Comifuro XI, where I opened a booth with a few friends. It wasn't wildly successful, but it was leagues better than my first experience and I enjoyed it very, very much! The next day, my friend Gina asked me to help out with a late-night fashion photoshoot with a couple of her Japanese friends. It was so much fun and I felt very inspired for future outfit posts. What a great month before going back to class!

September

In comparison to the previous month, September is pretty tame. It started out right with me borrowing a pile of books from my friend Maya. They have been such great, stimulating and educating reads—I'd expect no less from Maya. Aside from books, September has been signified by two defining subjects. The first one is Japanese films and series—which I obsessively consumed in the span of around two weeks. The second one is waste-sorting. Although it's been part of my life since the end of August, I kept on exploring and finding out more about it throughout the rest of this month. Stainless steel became my life and I tried out menstrual cup for the first time. Mid-September dragged me, kicking and screaming, back to uni—but it turns out to be a lot more fun than before. Socially, I rarely spent time outside of the house, although I managed to hang out with my best friends and made new friends who I found online. It was pretty low key and chill, just what I need.

October

October is, as you know, my birthday month—and it just so happens to be the month when all the stars were aligned. It started out with great news on the career front. First off, there's the two-part sponsored posts with Emma and Campaign Monitor. Then there's a new job from a recurring client—which, unfortunately, is still kept behind curtains this far. This year I also don't hate my birthday so much, because I felt absolutely loved by my friends and family. It could be that I was finally growing up—or it could also be thanks to Bintaro Design District. At 26, I've finally decided to put an end to the X Before Y Goals, and start with the 30 Before 30 List. It'll keep me a lot more focused and finally moving in the right direction, as far as life goals go. It also happens to be the month I was forced to learn about taxes—on the day I just posted it as one of my goals—and thought about money in relation to my friends. Lastly, because I'm lazy, I dressed up as modern Snow White on Halloween—despite the fact that she's my least favourite Disney princess—and didn't go anywhere (lol).

November

November was exciting at best and frustrating at worst. It opened up with a lucky draw—that I won!—from Sadhu. Finally, my first ever statement earrings—and it's ethical too! Being left home alone the second weekend this month, I decided to hit two fashion events at the same time. The first one being the Louis Vuitton Time Capsule exhibition—which is said to be a once-in-a-lifetime event in Indonesia—and the second one is the Timun Mas installation by Sejauh Mata Memandang—which I visited again with my friend Jess. A balance, y'know, of the ludicrous, high-end and the ethical, locally-made. Speaking of balance, the week after that lonesome weekend I went to the movies twice with my Dad and Sis—first to cry over Freddie Mercury and second to not be impressed by Dumbledore and Grindelwald. On to the frustrating side, this was a month of midterm exams and internship-hunting. I was pretty sleep-deprived and down for the count by the end of it.

December

December this time makes me feel somewhat hopeful. The month started with yet another film festival—this time it's Japan Cinema Week. Just like all the other times I went to a festival, I only managed to catch two films this time too. First, my sister and I went to see Mary and the Witch's Flower and, second, I went with my friends Jess and Vivi to see 8-Year Engagement. They were very different movies, but both really good and riveting. Aside from that, I also started my internship this month! It was my first ever experience working in an office and I was so excited. Check out the blog post I wrote for them—Indonesian only, sorry! Two great things about this: I get to work together with one of my best friends Gina and it's a pretty chill, open-space office, so hopefully I'll be able to fit in. Lastly, this is finally the year I managed to read 50 books. In fact, I finished 60 books! How 'bout that?

This year was hard to place. It was a jumble of things, a flurry of feelings and a collection of memories. When it was high, it was really high, but when it was low, it broke me to pieces. It was the year when time feels to move and my life is set into motion again. If I had to describe this year—just like I did with all the previous ones—I guess I have to say: in motion. This was the year I finally started working long-term with people from abroad; the year I successfully sold my artwork; the year I started transitioning towards low-impact lifestyle and the year I started an office job—although still an intern. Mentally, this was the year I became financially wiser; the year I could almost let go of Germany completely; the year I was finally okay with my birthday being what it is and the year I could make peace with not having as many friends as I would've liked. Ultimately, this year was changed forever early on, when Firu decided to come home for a month. It changed how I see our relationship and how I would feel about the whole year—maybe even beyond that. It gave me freedom and security and everything else in between. Let us now go to the scoreboard:

1. Make an illustration for every important date/holiday ✓
2. Get a second income source/job ✓
3. Create monthly goals (and accomplish them)
4. Have a healthy and supportive relationship with Firu ♥ ✓
5. Take care of myself physically and mentally ✓

Okay, the first item on this list: I did manage to do it for at least 2 months before giving up altogether. It took way too much time and effort, so if I'd stuck with this goal, I don't think I would have much time for other goals of mine—particularly in the career and self-development front. Now, about the second source of income, it comes in the form of another long-term client, but also other additions. For example, events like Comic Frontier or my Tictail store really helped me financially. Towards the end of the year, however, that comes in the form of an internship. Still far from being financially stable, unfortunately, but I was rather fine for a while—although, such is usually the case with freelance, it's very shaky. However, I had pretty much no time to create monthly goals, so I scrapped that. With Firu's brief homecoming, we managed to talk a lot about our relationship and our goals as a couple. It has changed our relationship like nothing before—it could only get better. Taking care of myself is an on and off situation—sometimes I do it, sometimes I don't. For the most part, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at it.

1. Be proactive in my internship
2. Make headway on my 30 Before 30 goals
3. Read more quality over quantity
4. Support and always improve communication with Firu ♥ 
5. Always remember to rest when needed

2019 holds a lot of promise, hopefully it'll be able to keep it. What do YOU want to achieve in the next 365 days?

Moving Forward

For the longest time now—probably since junior high—my life seems to be divided by three-year marks. There were three years of middle school, three of high school, three of uni in Germany and now this. In 2016, I thought my life was pretty crap and it led me to change it again in 2017. While putting together this post, I realise that not many exciting things happened last year but, for some reason, I find myself being much happier than the previous year. There were too many moments not recorded on camera, but they're significant and precious all the same. Maybe even more so, since I forget to pull out my lens and document them. It was an exciting and profound year, that will only look boring from the outside. But, to me, it's one step closer to maturity and, being of officially quarter-life, I think it's about time.

January

To be honest, I can't remember how I felt back in January, but I think it was probably pretty busy, because I hardly posted anything online. There was a campus event, in which I was the head of the design committee, and it was...pretty boring, to be honest, because I already finished my part but had to come anyway. Aside from that, it seems my life was basically filled with assignments—one of which changed my food photography game forever. I also started to revamp my Indonesia Childhood Games Handbook from 2014. On the blog, I re-introduced myself as well as revealed 20 blogger confessions—which later on became my updated About page. Aside from that, everything is basically same old, mundane life.

February

February felt a bit icky, because this is the month I left my previous campus. While still trying to conceal this plan from most of my classmates—for whatever reason—I was knee deep in assignments, continuing on with the ICGH revamping I mentioned earlier. Thank God for Regional Election Day, because it allowed me time to slow down. After that part of my life is closed, one of my old roommates Gita came home from Germany. We weren't the best of friends from our days in Karlsruhe, but, for once, we got to hang out just the two of us this month and it was pretty fun. It's true what they say, "Tak kenal maka tak sayang" (You can't love what you don't know). I managed to hang out with Tasha again and had one of our OOTD outings. I think I started to sort out what I actually want to do.

March

This month is the start of many exciting things. First thing's first, my cousin asked me to design her wedding merchandise and I was so thrilled to do it! I was reunited with many old middle school friends—all of whom happen to be guys (lol)—in two separate occasions, but both of which weren't exactly documented—much to my dismay. God, how I miss them! I could catch up with my best friends too this month, over Mexican food—my first try! On the artistic front, I managed to visit a typography exhibition with my friend Enggar and finished an art trade with my friend Koletta. To close the month up real nice, I visited Firu's family again after too long. It's always so inspiring to talk to Firu's parents and siblings.

April

Inspired by Goethe Institut's local string of ethical fashion events, I could turn April into Fashion Revolution Month! First, I visited IKAT eCUT exhibition at Gudang Sarinah. Then I shared some lessons I've learnt from a year of not shopping for clothes—which happened accidentally, actually. Afterwards, I also attended IKAT eCUT's Clothes Swapping event. During the Fashion Revolution Week itself, I decided to do a week full of slow fashion-related posts. You can check out each post here, here, here, here, here and here. Offline, I've had a ripe old time with books. There were two huge book sales going on at the time, Gramedia World Expo and Big Bad Wolf Book Sale—the latter made me stand in line for 5 hours until 2 AM. Towards the end of the month, I managed to go on a ladies date with Koletta to Art Market 7. You can see my loots here.

May

May, strangely, became a museum-filled month for me. I visited a total of three museums by myself this month: Kite Museum, Basoeki Abdullah Museum and Textile Museum. At the end of each trip, I'd try a new place to eat nearby, including a tiny patisserie, an organic restaurant and an African specialty. I also managed to meet up with my friend Ervina who's appeared on the blog a few times, you may remember. Her life changes so quickly, it's surreal. Unfortunately, politically, things have been rather disheartening all over the world. I was so irked, that I felt I needed to say something. Online, I decided to join in on the #Mermay challenge—although only weekly. Mermaids are my childhood idol and I love drawing them! I also posted my first of the various regular booktube videos on my channel. Before I knew it, Ramadan is already here again.

June

June started out still continuing like it was May, with me visiting The National Archive Building—which was the longest inner-city trip I've ever taken. On the blog, I also shared the soundtrack of my life inspired by What Olivia Did—so much fun to think about! Though it may seem insignificant and small, I was so thrilled to taste (and love) local persimmons, because they were in season in June. My best friend Gina came back home for the Eid holidays, so the gang assembled and had a girls' night out. For Eid celebration, I made a hasty purchase from Imaji Studio, which I wore on the big day. Thankfully, this year I could finally reunite with the extended family again. Yaay! It also means dragging my sister to places for outfit photos, though—much to her dismay (lol). We visited Kudos Cafe, Hotel Majapahit and Black Barn Coffee—plus one failed trip, but we don't talk about that. Lastly, Firu told me about The Red Pill and it completely changed how I think about feminism—which brought on quite an interesting discussion with various people. The excitement continues next month.

July

July started with bang, with a trip to Madura, checking out various limestone sites—and a huge scare along the way. After sadly saying goodbye to the cousins, I was welcomed home with a delivery from Book of Deer. Around the middle of the month, my pen tablet of six years finally died on me—after around a month of being vaguely stuck at the service centre. Firu gave it to me, so I felt rather emotional about giving it up. Rest in peace, my friend! As usual, Firu and I celebrated our anniversary, with me sharing some real melancholic thoughts for once. LDR is effin' hard, guys! It was the also the first month I managed to join the Goodreads Indonesia challenge, which turns out to be the number one best book I read all year. Although I've left my previous campus, my uni friends and I still kept in touch and we went exhibition-hopping and hanging out at a café—which isn't something we usually did. This was the month the next stage of my life started to take shape.

August

Okay, yeah, August was crazy eventful—even more so than usual. First off, Tasha and I met up again for another OOTD outing. It was so much fun and I absolutely love the photos! Then Iva came home for the month and, obviously, that can only mean one thing: reunion! God, I've missed everyone so much. It was a much-needed get together. Iva and I also managed to catch some quality time during Independence Day. Then I met up with Amel, who is probably the closest local blogger friend I have, twice this month—once in Jakarta, once in Semarang. Did I mention that Studio Ghibli was coming to Jakarta in exhibition form? Yeah, my sister, her friend and I went there together. It was a blast! Also, remember my cousin who was getting married from March? Her wedding is now! Here's what the merchandise looks like. By the way, I used up this opportunity to hit up the Railway Museum in Ambarawa with my stepmom. It was awesome! Funny thing is, even with all this going on, I still managed to read and watch so much. Curiouser and curiouser!

September

September felt like a brand new beginning. I started with separating my illustrations from my blogging/personal content on instagram and created an art account—if you can call it art at all. To this day, this account is still a source of motivation for personal projects. It's also the month of rekindling or recalling things, starting with a long chatty meeting with a friend I haven't seen in 10 years. On the blog, I've also shared a couple untold trips I'd taken in Germany, one to Heidelberg and one to Fulda—both of which with friends I miss dearly. One Sunday, I visited two local events by myself: Responsible Market (where I bought local non-toxic bars of soap) and Lowlight Bazaar (where I got an analog pocket camera). Towards the end, I met up with another uni friend Caro—and her boyfriend—but only ever so briefly. It was also the month I started life at a brand new campus.

October

Favourite month of the year alert! In principle, anyway. Much like last year, I joined the whole Inktober challenge, with a theme—all of which you can see here. On the blog, as usual, this month will be filled with birthday-related posts and this year it was fantastic! I shared some lessons learnt on managing money, some young adult and German books, 24 before 25 recap and 25 before 26 list. Oh, yeah, I'm officially of the quarter life now. This was the year I just give in to the bad mood that comes with my birthday, because my unrealistic expectation of the day is just through the roof. My sister did well treating me to a loaf of cheesecake, though. I joined a workshop on tea and visited a typography exhibition too this month. I also managed to hang out with my best friends a couple times, including a low-key, quite shady halloween bash—which sort of reminds me of Halloween in 2013.

November

November was quite busy and stressful, so there was barely any documentation of it. This month was quite Japan-themed: I could finally visit Japan Film Festival—watched two films in total—and I posted fanart of Ranma and Rinne. It was, however, also midterm exam month and I was going insane—mostly because the exams are group projects and, well, if you've ever done one, you'd know they usually suck. Smack dab in the middle of it, though, I had the opportunity to teach a creative workshop for children and teens. It was a really nice break from all the assignments and studying, although a bit stressful to commit to. Overall, let's just say November wasn't the easiest of months. Honestly, I think I lost sleep this month more than any other month.

December

So, I think I've been either sugarcoating it or completely disregarding it in the past, when I say that December is a hard month for me. It's hard in the sense that it always reminds me of seeing Firu again. Every year, since I got back from Germany, December strikes and my mood is dimmed significantly. That is, however, what happens in my mind, physically here are a few things I did. First of all, I joined a couple workshops on campus—a surprise box workshop and a basic lettering workshop—which are quite casual, but rather fun. One of my classes also organised a field trip to the newly opened Marine Heritage Gallery, checking out some artefacts from lost Indonesian history. Think Spice Road! Towards the end, I got hang out with some of my Germany pals, because Ratri came home. It was really chilled—just talking for hours—but absolutely much needed. And then New Year's rolled around and I find myself bracing for the future.

If I had to describe 2017 as a whole—like I did for the previous years—I would probably say it's about "moving on." While in 2014 and 2015 I was forced to adapt, 2017 was the year I was starting to make peace with the life that I now lead. Moving on, in this sense, means not only from the life I was used to in Germany, but also from so many other things that may have come to an end afterwards. While I did rekindle a lot of old friendships this year, I am sad to say that one of my previously dearest friends stopped talking to me altogether—you may know who I'm talking about, if you've paid close attention. I also had to leave my previous campus, due to financial reasons, jettisoning me to an entirely new life. From this recap, I realise, it must have seemed like a low-key year, huh? I guess it was; I did stay home a lot. But also, I felt a little less motivated to document my day-to-day on social media or the blog, so there wasn't a lot to go on. Now's the time for them resolutions:

1. Constantly seek out and try out more opportunities ✓
2. Consume less, produce more, use wisely ✓
3. Find time to get inspired ✓
4. Try to understand Firu better and work harder to see him ♥
5. Be more considerate of others and stay humble

I'm not entirely sure if I sought out more opportunities, but there have been a lot of those coming my way this year. I've tried out a lot of them—even unpaid ones—because I thought it would be nice to widen my network and be a great way to practice. This goes both for my illustration work and blog. I've been making most of my own food and drinks at home this year—especially for Meatless Monday, which I'm still doing religiously. I've also utilised used containers from food and drink products I bought in the past. Also not entirely certain if I spared time to get inspired, but I did visit a lot of exhibitions and explored new places this year, so I definitely got a lot of inspiration. The whole Firu thing is so much easier said than done, but I gave it my best effort to do so. Going to Germany is still something of a dream, though. Again, how do you know if you've accomplished this? I don't think I did, really, because there have been too many misunderstandings last year. But I'll try harder this year!

1. Make an illustration for every important date/holiday
2. Get a second income source/job
3. Create monthly goals (and accomplish them)
4. Have a healthy and supportive relationship with Firu ♥
5. Take care of myself physically and mentally

May 2018 bring us opportunities and happiness. What do YOU want to achieve this year?