Alive as Always: Rolling with the Punches

While 2020 is objectively very challenging for us all—with the giant curve ball it threw at us and smaller ones it kept pelting—I must say, it actually somehow turned out to be one of the best years of my recent life. There are three amazing milestones that I managed to surpass this year—one of them being a HUGE one—and I couldn't be prouder of it. Although I do this kind of recaps every year, this year it feels different somehow. It feels much more profound, a lot more low key and incredibly fulfilling. It may not seem like it to everyone else, but I feel really grateful for everything that's happened this year—on a small, personal scale and, to a degree, on a much grander scale. Yes, 2020 was a bitch. But it forced us to rethink the way we've been living life and, unfortunately, our old ways is no longer acceptable. As usual, there are things I thought would never change for me in 2019, but I was wrong. Everything changed—most importantly, my own mindset.

January

January actually started with a trip from December to Cirebon—where I met up with my old friend Zahra. It was such a good trip that I drew a travel journal of it, although I didn't get to finish it due to the impending start of my thesis project. Coming back from New Year's holiday, I was welcomed with new faces of the latest batch of interns in my division—and a new formation for the full-time team. Things were a little rocky at first, but after discussing matters with my partner-in-crime, we started to all get along better. This was also still the early stage of my relationship with Agung and we were enjoying every moment of it. I subscribed to Zomato Gold and we started exploring new places to eat. We went to a wedding together—first time as a couple!—of his old colleague. By the end of the month, I started freaking out about thesis project ideas with the submission deadline in 2 weeks.

February

February started smoothly with a home composting seminar held in my neighbourhood. This was that window of time when the Coronavirus seemed so isolated and unthreatening. The host was really funny and informative, but afterwards I don't know if anyone even tried it—personally, our household has yet to even start. The month seems to just fly through, as I finally figured out what my thesis project was going to be and was drowned in research materials until around the middle of it. Not much of note happened—even Dad's birthday was celebrated low key at home—until around the end of the month. Sadly, I had to say goodbye to most of the interns already—from the previous year. On leap day, I had my first interview with Mr. Iboy Imanzah from Fashion Revolution Indonesia, as the reference for my thesis project. Did I mention I didn't blog at all this month?

March

Things started going south in March, I'm afraid. While I finally had some time to loosen up and blog, COVID-19 was closing in on the archipelago. We started to get alarmed as we learnt of the first case of the disease in Indonesia, but we weren't yet sure on how to take care of ourselves. Right before LSSR (Large-Scale Social Restrictions)—or what you may know as half-assed "lockdown," as the government cannot afford a full-on lockdown—we managed to squeeze in some time to visit a The Bulkstore & co. (now Bulksource). Uni scrambled to go full online—much to my delight—and everyone was on high confusion mode. Nevertheless, I went ahead with my second interview for the thesis project with Mr. Joneta Witabora, whose work I admire very much and happens to be a lecturer at my uni. Despite all the panic, it wasn't until the end of the month did my office decide to go full remote—which, I guess, is saying something. It was both fun and frustrating trying to figure out the process.

April

Most of April was spent at home, working both for my office and at my thesis. Being contained at home somehow had me developing new hobbies, which is how I came up with the #StayatHome series. Aside from consuming media in audio, video and literary form, I also started buying stuff online at an increased pace—trying out new coffeeshops and buying from the clearance sale of my favourite ethical brands. I've also started Spotify playlists with Agung, as a way of bonding with him from afar. Of course, needless to say, I had to illustrate the cover of each and every one of these playlists—which you can see here. This was probably the longest month of the year—maybe even my entire life—as the biggest hurdle of my thesis project needs to be tackled this month. It was revisions after revisions that exhausted me. That being said, I hadn't forgotten to take part in Fashion Revolution Week this year either—even just through Instagram.

May

May started out with reading up on the environment—which included the best book I read this year. It was mind-blowing and scaring the shit out of me; so much more effective than any horror film, really. This is also the month we started to learn of some pandemic aesthetics, including masked streetwear, physically distanced weddings, remote photoshoots and vidcon talkshows—and I started getting obsessed with masks and collecting them. There was also a trend of sending friends and Towards the end of the month, layoffs started to happen at the office and I had to let go of my beautiful interns. It felt really hollow and quiet without them around afterwards. All of a sudden, it was already Eid holiday. Like everything else, this one was different and done entirely at home. It was both quaint and lonely, to be honest, but also a foreshadowing of future holidays. We gradually started going back to the office, though, which says a lot about the level of awareness of the pandemic in Indonesia.

June

June, as usual, starts with a series of birthdays in my family—Stepmum's, sister's and brother's—and we celebrated it in another lowkey way. My Stepmum made tumpeng, though, and it was majestic. Not much else happened, aside from my sudden obsession with online bookstore sales—had two shopping sprees in the span of a week. Little did I know, this will lead to one of the most enjoyable and eye-opening reads of the year. I've also kept myself busy with a Netflix subscription—which I actually started earlier this year or perhaps even last year—and had been binging foreign films and series like mad. It's one of the perks of Netflix, for me, really. Towards the end of the month, the LSSR is starting to get lifted and we could explore new places to eat again—should still be with strict health protocols, though. Slowly but surely, my thesis project is coming along and taking shape as it approaches its final defence.

July

With the LSSR loosening, July started with a trip to another bulk store, Naked Inc., with Agung. It's the third and final bulk store in the city that I've visited—and I have yet to find another one to explore. By far, this one's my favourite. This month marks the start of one of my biggest highlight of the entire year: the #MulaiDariLemari campaign, which is a slow fashion movement from Zero Waste Indonesia and #TukarBaju. I joined in on the movement as one of the ambassadors and posted—or re-posted—weekly contents, each with its own topic to inspire people to stop shopping for at least 3 months. Read all of my recent posts here. The month closes rather nicely with yet another big highlight of the year: I passed my final thesis defence! Oh gosh, I can't believe I finally made it this far and got myself a Bachelor's degree after 10 effin' years. No graduation ceremony yet, thus far, but I'm so glad to finally put it behind me.

August

With the thesis finally over, August opened up a lot of opportunities for personal projects—and, boy, was I pumped after months of knuckling down on the thesis. First of all, I just found out that my domain with GoDaddy comes with a free landing page, so I set it up. The page has since expired, though. Celebrating Independence Day, I questioned the unity of our nation, in the wake of Papuan Lives Matter movement, while reading the best Indonesian literature I have ever read. Meanwhile, #MulaiDariLemari is coming in strong and, with the thesis out of the way, I could finally really give it my all to the project. For the campaign, I finally decluttered my wardrobe after years—and the first one I'd done post-breakup, so it turned out to be somewhat emotional. I started selling my clothes and books on Instagram—feel free to check it out and see if anything catches your fancy. Closing the month, I started creating illustrations of all my interns in a yearbook fashion. Gosh, I love them all!

September

September started off with two very important events: Agung's birthday—in which I wrote this dedication post of my experience starting over, one of which was with him—and sending in my resignation letter to the current office. It was all such a whirlwind process—me applying for a job, getting accepted for it and informing my HR in less than a week—that my head spun. After the dust had settled down a bit, however, I was forced to fight my toothache and got one of my wisdom teeth pulled out. It was not as traumatic or painful experience as I thought, although it stopped me from eating normally for around a week or so. What hurt more was, actually, the medical bill. Still working on paying it off, to be honest. Since I started going pretty regularly to the office, I started helping promote Stepmum's catering to my colleagues and it became really popular. Not only that, we used reusable containers and I would always wash them every night before going home. It was quite an enjoyable experience, if I'm being frank.

October

October started with a big finale to the #MulaiDariLemari movement: Indonesian Ethical Fashion Index. I've wanted to post this huge list before, but never really made the time until now. I guess sometimes all just need a little push. If you live in Indonesia and love to shop for clothes, do check out these brands. The movement also ends this month and the ambassadors created this video of our experience and impression of it. Simultaneously, as a countdown to my leaving the office, I created several illustrations dedicated to everyone in my division—even those who have moved on. See the full illustrations here. I can't say it wasn't emotional—heck, I cried like 3 times that week—and it was made harder leaving Agung there. That office changed my life—no joke!—so I had to write a dedication post. For my birthday, as usual, I updated my 30 Before 30 accomplishments, but didn't fuss too much about it otherwise. Then I went all in for Halloween with a list of no-ghost horror recommendations and a black-and-white costume this year. Such a perfect mood for such a terrifying year, don't you think?

November

November stars off with a shift towards more locally produced food and drinks, with my first purchase of sorghum grains and discovering a newly-opened traditional beverage stall with a modern twist, RinalDevbus. We discovered this stall coincidentally, tried out his creatively named drinks and became regulars before he moved location. It became a new tradition for me and Agung, somewhat. Then we also tried another street food owned by a friend's neighbour called Rowstid Chikin, which we ended up falling hard for. In the middle of the month, I operated my first ever live Online Class for Hatching Academy. I was there for the previous one too, but this is the first one where I had the controls of the audio and visuals. Also, in case you don't know, I design all their Instagram contents as well. The month closes with exciting news from my sister—which I will most likely share next month—and meeting Agung's family for the first time. Gosh, they're so warm and lively! His favourite niece, in particular, stole my entire heart.

December

December came in like a lion—and somehow became my most stressful month yet. There are two internal events this month, which made me come to the office rather early and leave quite late—I mean, it was rather fun, but exhausting. There was also revision after revision after revision—which drove everyone in the team insane. Then I got another one of my wisdom teeth pulled out—and this one didn't stop bleeding for an entire day. The medical bill added to the pain. Nevertheless, this month was also filled with joy. First, I finally started creating a recipe using sorghum (flour) and loved the result, albeit burnt. I'll definitely make more soon—and do it right this time. Some great news followed: the agency I work for won Citra Pariwara's Best Agency of the Year! I know I haven't contributed at all for this, but am I allowed to be proud of it anyway? Also, Agung and I celebrated our first anniversary this month, which has been awesome. Afterwards, I shared my favourite reads of the year—did I mention that it's been the best reading year? And here we are.

That's a Wrap!

I think it goes without saying that 2020 is a year unlike any other for everyone. It is the year we abandon life as we know it and the old ways we think of the world. It is the year we realise what is truly important and the term "life is what happens when you're busy planning" no longer applies. A beautiful article by The Economist even calls 2020 "The Year the Future Was Cancelled." In reality, if I wanted to list it down, a lot more things happened this year that I didn't have a photo to prove—like the fact that I read Google News more than social media now, or feeling pretty dead inside at my old office towards the end, or eating junk food almost 24/7. I think 2020 is the year we finally realise that we are not a sum up of our goals and accomplishments, that it's okay to just get by—that's already an accomplishment all on its own. That being said, I'd like to review my previous resolutions:

1. Graduate and get my Bachelor's Degree ✓

Not going to go on and on about it, but I'd just like to say: after 10 years of persevering, it felt immensely relieving to finally do my own thing. Also, I must say, I don't end up using my degree, but I used a lot of knowledge from the classes for my own gains—not necessarily work. Make of that what you will.

2. Keep committed to living a low impact lifestyle ✓

Doing this during the pandemic is especially hard, but I'd like to think I'm still striving for it. I may have done worst than the previous years, but I'm doing my best. It may not be perfect—no one is, really—but my determination is still burning strong, so I will count this as a win.

3. Travel somewhere new

Hahaha, no.

4. Maintain a great relationship with my loved ones

Yes and no? I'm not sure. I think my priorities on this have changed a lot. I talk to less friends now, but I'm okay with that. I learn to know how to feel fulfilled without having to constantly surround myself with people—who may or may not care about me. I learn to be enough for myself, and not care too much about being enough for anyone else. That may lead to other people feeling abandoned by me, but that's no longer my issue.