Ode to My First Office

In December 2018, equipped with as much knowledge uni could give me, I sought out for an internship position and, thanks to my dear friend Gina, landed at a local startup tech company. Thinking there wouldn't be much of a career prospect in this place, I didn't intend to stay long. Dismissing the experience as one of those I had to go through as I waited for my then-boyfriend to come home, I thought I would give it a go. Little did I know life still had a few surprises up their sleeves—in fact, the place quickly became like a second home to me. For a girl who felt pretty lost the past 5 years, it was a huge relief to find I could still feel like I belonged someplace. Before I knew it, here were friends whose hellos excited me and goodbyes brought tears to my eyes. Finally, after all these years, I felt like home in the most unexpected place.

There were a lot of firsts for me at this place: the first office I've worked in, the first mentor and supervisor, the first colleagues, the first office meeting, the first office party, the first video campaign shooting, the first press release written, the first overtime experience, the first corporate event, the first colleague farewell, the first time hosting office event, the first inter-office collaboration, the first time hanging out at a bar, the first time I got drunk, the first time I had close friends who smoke, the first time I learnt about digital marketing, the first interns to manage, the first full-time job, the first salary negotiation, the first birthday at the office, the first office outing, the first time filing tax and other firsts I'd rather not mention.

While working at this office, my life took an unexpected turn as I dove headfirst into the realm of marketing. Me, someone who barely understood what copywriting was when I started and expected to become a graphic designer here. But everything changed when I met our newly-acquired digital marketer, Mawan, and we soon formed such a great bond—became partner-in-crime, in fact. He taught me a lot of things about digital marketing and got me hooked on it. Not only did it change my technical skills and job description at the office, it also changed the way I blog and look at my blog. Being the yang to my yin, he was always looking out for me on all the departments that I lacked—the monetary department, for instance—and I was always ready to put things in order for his chaotic mind. Since then on, somehow, we kept sharing numerous ideas, secrets, interns and got through thick and thin together.

Speaking of which, as I was barely getting through internship myself, I was suddenly dropped at the deep end, in which I had to manage a number of interns too. I remember being extremely nervous and having bouts of impostor syndrome, while I interviewed candidates after candidates to pick out the best ones to mentor. I can never be more grateful for the support I received from various parties, boosting my morale and telling me I can do this. At the end, I ended up mentoring 3 batches of them, making up a total of 22 interns. What I didn't realise is that as they were learning from me—and my co-parent, Mawan—I would learn so much from them as well. For a while, they gave me the motivation I needed to come to the office. We shared inside jokes and poked fun at each other. For a while, it felt like I had children or little siblings of my own and I loved it.

Not only my professional life, my personal life was forever changed too: It was during this employment that I terminated my long-term relationship with my then-boyfriend. So much was changing for me, both internally and externally, that we couldn't fit like two puzzle pieces anymore—if we ever were. There were a multitude of experiences that re-shaped who I am and I could never change back to who I was. Ultimately, I realised somehow that I didn't want to be that person anymore—to be the person who thought the best part of her was her partner, to be a person folding herself so small to fit into somebody else's ideal—and so I ended it. Outsiders might oversimplify it and say that I had a change of heart. But that wasn't just it. I had so many instances and so many people showing me that my value and my worth are so much bigger than I thought they were. In a world where I thought only one person saw the best in me, I was proven wrong. And at the end of the road, I saw Agung who both needed me and able to fulfil my needs. The rest was history, I guess.

Suddenly, almost 2 years have passed since then and here I am, standing in the doorway with my bags packed. There were too many goodbyes here; too many mistakes and too many heartaches. But I want to remember the hellos, the joy and the laughter too. I want to remember the first time I spoke publicly about my passion against plastic and had it received amazingly well. I want to remember that sleepless night of fun times preparing for an event together. I want to remember the Ramadan we were lining up for food come sunset. I want to remember the raucous laughter we shared over lunch and afternoon huddle. I want to remember our trip to IKEA where I drove like mad. I want to remember the first birthday surprise I've ever received and how I was thrown into the pool. I want to remember that, once upon a time, this place was home for me.

When we moved office last year, I told you there were ghosts we had to let go. I didn't realise there will be more ghosts in this new place; those who left before me. Though I don't get to say it in person, I'd like to thank each and every one of those ghosts who made this place feel familiar to me. To those ghosts who made me feel welcome and taught me the ropes. To those ghosts who included me as one of their own and are still willing to talk to me even now. To those ghosts who I held dearly and shared secrets with. To those ghosts who made plans with me but never happened. To those ghosts, thank you for everything! This place doesn't feel the same without you walking its hall.

And, for those who stuck by me until the end, thank you for being there with me all the way through. Our time together is truly unforgettable and I'll cherish it for as long as I can remember. Here's to our shining future no matter where we land!

Let's meet again sometime!