Tuesday, 17 July 2018

You, Me and Infinity

Eight. It's my favourite number...and a number of years I failed to picture. Five was my benchmark, seven was my 'finish line.' But eight was completely uncharted. It's almost ten, but not quite. It shows us that we have truly grown up together, both evolving at our own pace. We were so very different when we started out, that if we were to come face-to-face with our younger selves, they wouldn't be able to recognise us. But, without realising it, without meaning to, we have become the kind of couple we aspired to become. This past eight years have delivered me to this state: content, peaceful and confident.

It wasn't always like this, of course. When it was one, I remember having irrational bouts of jealousy—which are just laughable. I was insecure and possessive. Well, needless to say, it was a nightmare. We fought constantly, but with such an art, that people tend to think we had no problems as a couple. I wish! Two was better, I suppose, although much harder because of the new distance. We spent most of our time apart, adjusting to our separate lives. Still with the previous problems, obviously. People don't change that easily. Three and four were easier because the distance closed in, so we became once again a part of each other's lives. The fights became less and less each year, even after I threw myself halfway around the world for five, six and seven—though most nights I found myself in tears.

But this past year was different. You performed a miracle. You came home to me. You were willing to talk about all these things digging at the back of my head. You opened up to me like never before, and I began to understand, to feel relieved and to assure you in return. You held my hand in a way that I forget you could, like you're holding on to my soul too. Your eyes looked at me like a canopy, shading me from the harsh, harsh reality. Your laughter put a magic spell on me, setting everything to right in my world. It's nice to know some things never change, and that some others will never stay the same. You are the common denominator, and that is all I need.

This is how I know I've evolved in the one month you were here—more than I have in the three years you weren't: I stopped crying for you the third night after you left. You gave me strength when you let me know we are working towards the same goal. I began to see light at the end of the tunnel. It is the best feeling to know, that while everything else has changed, this alone hasn't. That we still care for one another and we are moving forward together. That you still want me now, the way you did eight years ago. That this isn't a limbo and we'll make sure of that. So hold my hand, honey, because I'm never letting go. Here's to eight years and counting, infinity and beyond.


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