Monday, 6 October 2014

Nowhere Girl and the 'Home' Boy

"Homesick, because I no longer know where home is." - Kings of Convenience, Homesick

Ever since I was little, I've always thought of myself as a Jakartan. Though, to be honest, I'm not. My home is located in Tangerang - now South Tangerang - which is located southwest from Jakarta. It's almost like saying you're a New Yorker though you live in New Jersey. Most people don't care, though, since most people who work and do activities in Jakarta come from out of town i.e. Tangerang, South Tangerang, Depok, Bekasi and even Bogor. So, since I live most of my days in Jakarta, I have a penchant for certain parts of the city. But I would be lying if I knew how to live there at all or know the city very well. To be honest, I don't think anyone knows every nook and cranny of the City. I feel like I'm cheating myself whenever I claim to come from Jakarta. But it sure is easier than saying I'm from South Tangerang, since it's practically Jakarta anyway. But because that's where I come from, I also have a penchant for places in the suburbs. And now, after living in Germany for so long with so many endearing memories, there are places there too which have attached themselves to my heart. But to say I know any of the said three places well is quite short of the truth. It leaves me feeling quite lost, like I don't belong anywhere. Like my heart was divided into three places.

Cotton On shirt (Sis's) // Hand-me-down cardigan + skirt // Braun B├╝ffel purse (Mom's) // thrifted penny loafers // pics by Akita (THANK YOU!)

For over four years now, I've let myself associate home with the existence of my beloved. Even when we were far apart, I never acknowledged my humble abode to be the 'home' that I would want to go back to. It's where I have to go back to; there's a difference. And I did often feel quite homesick, feeling like I would jump on the next train headed his way. This time the distance has stretched much further. Jumping on a train was easier, especially in Germany. Sure, it costs something but, surely, not as much as a plane ticket. And this time, what are the odds that I would find myself conveniently at an airport with a passport and visa in hand? Yeah, no jumping on a plane for me. Once again I was left lost. There he is, thousands of miles away, living a life completely stripped off me - well, maybe almost completely - but here are my family, so close to me and I love them so. I'm both happy and ripped apart. But, at least for now, instead of wallowing in self-pity, I'll just share these photos my sister last took of us both, being happy with each other. Firu, I hope you read this because I love you.

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