How I Feel When I Open My Wardrobe

This post is written as part of the #MulaiDariLemari campaign from Tukar Baju

My wardrobe isn't perfect; it is always a work in progress. One minute it can look all neat and everything's in place, the next it could be a complete chaos. But, when I open my wardrobe, I see something more than clothes. I see the history of how I built its contents into what it is now. I see the potential of what this wardrobe could eventually become. Most importantly, I see how it embodies me—how I present myself to the world, how I bare it all in private and how many memories each item tends to hold.

Today I can proudly say that my wardrobe is pretty much exactly as I like it. Almost every single item in this wardrobe is deeply embedded in my mind—each one carrying a piece of memory or feeling. This, of course, was the fruit of years of collecting items and carefully filtering through unwanted things. To be exact, it was around 8 years of deliberate consideration about every single clothing that I wear. To me, it goes beyond fashion or trend—or even taste. It is about being more aware of who I am and connected to who I want to be.

I could probably say, "It's a matter of finding your personal style and sticking with it," but that would be oversimplifying it and just blatantly untrue. Personal style will change with time, as you grow older and, hopefully, wiser. However, unless you are comfortable with who you are and have the desire to stay true to it, your wardrobe will most likely be filled with junk. Simply put, self-acceptance is at the very core of having a satisfying, unique and true-to-you wardrobe. Heck, even life in general.

All that being said, I digress: my wardrobe isn't perfect. It also still contains clothes that I either can no longer fit into, no longer gravitate towards or just was never even fond of to begin with. Truth be told, these items make me sad to look at. They feel like a rock at the pit of your stomach that doesn't quite hurt, but bothers you anyway. Personally, for me, this is mostly because they simply remind me of who I used to be, who I might never be and who I don't or no longer want to be. And to be reminded of that feels completely unnecessary, as it just eats at the back of my mind.

Maybe I should clean all those stuff out. Maybe it's high time I put them away. But, if this was such an easy task, I would've done them a long time ago. Before, I wouldn't even admit that they had to go, so this is truly a positive step forward. I'd like to take the next step, please, instead of making a huge leap. Let me just come to terms with sorting them out and pushing them away before I actually have to do it.

There will come a time to declutter them, but today I'll just bask in the view that is my wardrobe.

How do you feel when you open your wardrobe?